Monday Motivation

This is the place where every Monday I provide an article related to the issue of motivation for weight loss. Let's be honest, there are countless ways that one can lose weight. Typically this involves a combination of exercise and diet. The question isn't so much as to how to lose weight, but how to be motivated to lose weight and keep it off. That is what I am discussing here. 

Connect With Your Future Self To Make Investing In Your Future Easier

Winter is coming to Minnesota so I switched out my closet from the short sleeved shirts I wear in the summer to the long sleeved shirts I wear during our cold winters here in the north. I tried some of the winter shirts on and found that there are a number that I are too small for me. My immediate thought was how nice it will be when I fit into these shirts before the end of winter. According to Dr. Benjamin Hardy, having small goals can limit a person's ability to become everything they can be.  

Dr. Hardy writes about the power of big goals in his book, Be Your Future Self Now, where he shares that the 5th threat to becoming the person you really want to be happens when you have short term goals and a limited vision. These keep a person from becoming everything they possibly can become. He advises that people connect with a bigger future. "If you get serious, and start investing and learning, where could you be in five years?" We need to change our focus from the immediate to that which is much bigger and farther out." 

This seems counterintuitive to wanting to lose weight. Typically, the people that don't focus on the immediate won't do what is necessary to make the small changes that result in progress. What Dr. Hardy is suggesting is that looking farther into the future with a vision of your future self will allow you to create the life now that aligns with this more distant self. Without this long term vision a person is less likely to achieve the long term goals they have for themselves. You need to focus on what you are not currently capable of, and then you will figure out how to achieve this goal in a way that is much more productive than simply settling for achieving smaller goals that don't connect with bigger, long term goals.  

Key Application

Create a vision of who you want to be in the long term and you will then have a powerful drive to make significant changes that are necessary now to achieve these goals. 

Connect With Your Future Self To Make Investing In Your Future Easier

I knew what I wanted and I wasn't going to be stopped. I walked to the refrigerator, I bent down and opened the freezer and I grabbed the peppermint bark ice cream bar. I held it in my hand and as I thought about how good it was going to taste. Then I thought about the person I was going to be the next day and how that person would be disappointed by the action I was about to make. Thinking about tomorrow me being upset with today me caused me to put the ice cream bar back in the freezer and walk away from my original plan. Rather than costing my Future Self, I made an investment in the person I wanted to become. 

Dr. Benjamin Hardy writes about the power of thinking about your future self in his book, Be Your Future Self Now. The 4th threat to becoming the person you really want to be happens when being disconnected from your future self leads to myopic decisions. We typically make short-sighted decisions that reward us now but are bad for our long-term self. Acting on this type of thinking keeps us from becoming the person we truly want to be. 

The first step to dealing with this problem Is to be connected to your "Future Self," and the best way to do that is to see your Future Self as a different person than the one you are today. This allow you to have empathy for that person so you are better able to make decisions for the good of that person rather than gratifying your immediate desires.

This Future Self sees things differently than you do now, cares about things differently than you do now, and acts differently than you do now. The more you can care about your Future Self, moving from liking to loving this person, the more you will be able to move from sacrificing for this person to the idea of investing in this other person, your Future Self. The beauty of this is found "as your vision of your Future Self grows, your present happiness and motivation increases."

Ultimately, you need to see that everything is either a cost or an investment in your Future Self. Having that ice cream bar is a cost to your future self. Putting the ice cream bar back in the freezer so someone else can eat it is an investment. The more vivid and specific you can make your Future Self, the more compelling it will be to invest in this person. To maximize the impact of this relationship, write a letter from your Future Self to your current self where you describe what your life is like at some point in the future based on actions taken in the present. This will cause you to more easily make decisions today that are investments in your Future Self, rather than making choices that cost your future self.  

Key Application

Creating deeper and specific connections with the Future Self you want to be will make it easier to make choices today that invest in take away from the Future Self you want to become. 

Choose Your Influences Wisely to Shape Your Future

One summer while in college I painted townhomes to make money for school. I remember that when I finished painting one townhome I would grab my ladder and paint and literally run to the next townhome and start painting. It wasn't until the end of the summer that I realized that I didn't need to run between buildings. So why did I feel the need to run in the first place?

It turns out that, unbeknownst to me at the time, my supervisor who was part of our crew and also painted with us, was training to run a marathon. He ran between townhomes to try to get a bit of a workout during the work day. I saw him do this so I thought it was an expectation of the job that we all needed to run between buildings. Who knew that I was training for a marathon! Dr. Benjamin Hardy addresses this kind of influence in his book, Be Your Future Self Now. 

The third threat to growth and change Dr. Hardy addresses in his book is being unaware of the impact on your environment on your goals. As I can attest from my summer job experience, environment definitely impacts people in ways that we aren't even aware of as it happens. Researchers call this the Pygmalion effect. This is the term used to describe the reality that we often perform to the expectations of people around us, whether people have high or low expectations of us. Our social interactions shape who we are and what we do. 

The next social situation Dr. Hardy addresses is one where of our desires are impacted just by being exposed to something. This is what happens when we watch commercials and we are influenced to buy a product simply because we were exposed to it. This impact is called the mere-exposure effect. Charlie Jones addresses this by stating, "You will be the same person in 5 years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read." If you want to change who you are and who you are becoming then you need to change your inputs and influences. 

The great news is that people have the ability to imagine the future self they want to become and they can make this a reality shaping their  environment to pull themselves in the direction they want to go. This means if you want to be healthy, surround yourself with people who are where you want to be or who are on the path you want to go down, who can support you as you go.

Your environment influences who you are and will become by pulling is in certain directions and exposing you to possibilities that you weren't aware of before. 

Key Application

Because you are the product of your environment, you need to create the future self you want to be by choosing your influences, specifically the friends and acquaintances you spend time with that align with who you want to be and can show you possibilities to live in ways different than to experience today. 

Reframe Your Past To Serve Your Present and Future

I was walking up the stairs to the third floor of my high school to go to class. A good friend was with a friend of his and completely out of the blue my friend called me a name to make fun of my weight. I knew he did this to try to impress his friend, but to be called a name by my good friend really hurt. This happened over 30 years ago and I still remember it like it was yesterday, but I've never known what to do with this experience. Until now. 

In his book, Be Your Future Self Now, Dr. Benjamin Hardy deals with the second threat to becoming the person you want to be: the narrative of the past that we tell ourselves. My immediate thought about this is that the narrative of the past carved in stone, isn't it? I mean, things happen to us and they make us feel good or bad or any number of emotions, but you can't do anything to change the past so how can your emotions about the past be changed, right?!

Dr. Hardy doesn't believe that is how it needs to be. He writes that when we frame our past negatively, our goals become reactive to the past, they become short-term where we try to escape the pain of the present. This causes us to be reactive, where life happens to us rather than for us. We become victims of what life has done to us. Being an emotional eater, when I think of a negative past experience, whether it was something done to me or something that I did that I regret, I want to get rid of bad feelings by eating something that will make me feel better, and it usually isn't something good for me, like cake or ice cream.

Dr. Hardy share that we are emotionally healthy when we have both a positive past and an exciting future. This sure seems obvious. I mean, who wouldn't feel great if their past was positive and the future was exciting?! However, he responds to this by writing, "Having a positive past depends very little on what events actually occurred. What happened to you doesn't matter as much as what story you decide to tell yourself about what happened." This is because the emotions we feel about the past are what matter the most. So if we can reframe our thoughts and feelings about the past then we can be emotionally healthy. 

Here is the great news: according to research, we get to choose the story we attach to the past. With this, we are able to have the past serve us as we focus on the future person we want to become. The pain of our past can help us change in the future, depending on how we frame it. "With deliberate practice, you can develop the skill of positively reframing any past experience into a gain. With practice, you can get better and quicker at converting pain into growth and purpose." 

So now when I think about being called a name by my good friend in high school, I know that I get to choose the narrative I tell myself. I know that my friend called me that name to impress his friend. At that moment, my friend decided to place impressing his other friend at a higher level of importance than his friendship with me. My friend calling me a name wasn't about me, it was about his insecurity and his desire to deal with it by risking his relationship with me so he could impress his other friend. I feel sorry for the young man my friend was who felt the need to do this. This name calling was about my friend and his issues, not about me. 

I am still great friends with this person and he is a kind, wonderful man that I love like a brother. And before I give the impression that I'm a saint, to my shame, I have to admit that I've done what my good friend did, so I know the motivation behind it. My wish is for anyone that has experienced something like this that they would reframe their past hurt in a positive way and understand that anything negative done or said about them is a negative reflection of the person who hurt them, not they themselves. 

Why is this so important? Because, according to Dr. Hardy, our narrative about the past impacts how we think about the present and about our future selves. So when memories of your past come up that are negative, reframe them positively so you can live a better life now and in the future. 

Key Application

Your memories from the past will negatively impact your present and future if you do not reframe them positively. You have the ability to do just that, so take care of yourself and reframe your narrative in a way that serves you rather than harms you. 

Success Is Not Possible Without Hope

There have been times in my life where I've felt hopeless to do anything about my weight. I didn't feel like it was worth it to try to lose weight because every time I had success I eventually put whatever weight I had lost back on, and then some. Without hope for a better future, why try?

In his book, Be Your Future Self Now, Dr. Benjamin Hardy shares 7 threats to your future self. The first threat is to to live without hope. Without hope in a better future, we won't take the steps necessary to change our present. 

Without hope, motivation is impossible. Without hope, you don't have clear goals or a sense of purpose for your life. 

But with hope, change is possible. Hope has been described as both the will and the way.

"Hope is the way because to have hope, you either see a way to realize your goal, or are flexible enough to create a way. When hope exists, there is a way. Hope does not consider the odds." 

Hope is more powerful than optimism because hope goes beyond a general sense of a better future and it leads to a plan and action from the belief that change can happen and the future can be different than the present. 

To be a hopeful person, "You commit to the goal, not to the process. You don't get stuck in your current way of doing and thinking. Patiently, persistently you adapt and you find new and better ways to get to where you want to go." 

And so, I begin my weight loss journey with hope, knowing that my actions today will result in a better, healthier tomorrow. I may need to change my plan along the way, but the goal of becoming healthy and losing weight remains the same. I have hope, regardless of the time or the struggle involved that change is possible, so I move forward.  

Key Application

Begin your pursuit of better health with hope as your foundation, hope that you can create a better tomorrow from the actions you take today. You can do this, with hope as the wind in your sails. 

The Best Weight Loss Plan

There is good news and bad news when it comes to weight loss plans. The good news: there are a ton of weight loss plans to choose from. The bad news: there are a ton of plans to choose from. So this leaves us with a dilemma. How is a person supposed to choose a plan to follow? Certainly, you should consult your doctor when making lifestyle choices that impact your physical health. 

Making this decision making process worse is the fact that there are so many options that work, and there are so many options that are highly ranked. 

What Is a person to do?

Well, I can't tell you what weight loss plan is right for you. My recommendation is to look at more than one option and ask questions to see if it makes sense for your situation, then pick one and try it. Give it enough time to see if it works for you. "Works for you" is the key phrase. Just because a weight loss plan works for someone else doesn't mean that it will work for you. It isn't because your biology is so different than others that the plan won't work for you, but your background, life experiences, and current situation is unique, so a plan that works for someone else might not work for you, and that's alright. 

You need to do you. Like trying on clothes at a store, you need to try different options to see If there is one that is a better fit for you than another. The "fit" doesn't mean only that you lose weight. It means that everything that goes into making it work over time "fits" who you are and how it works for you.

Ultimately, the best plan for you is the one you will stick with over time. That means you might have to try a few different plans, but find one that you think "fits" and go with it. 

Key Application

To find a weight loss plan that works for you, don't assume that someone else's plan is the one you should follow. What worked for them might not work for you. You have a unique background and current situation, so consult a doctor and find a plan that you think will work for you, one that you can live with and you will stick with, and try it. If you find that it isn't working and you need to change, that's fine. Just learn from your experiences and choose the next best plan. 

Determining Why You Want To Lose Weight

Why do New Year's resolutions fail for so many people? There are a number of reasons for this, but there is one that foundational to them all. When people make their resolutions they typically aren't resolving anything. They are dreaming and wishing for results. Not only are these dreams not based in true resolve, they are not tied to the individual, unique "why" that each person needs to wrestle with in order to truly make progress on their dreams. 

I have started and failed at losing weight more times than I care to remember. I have successfully lost weight, 50, 60, even 80 pounds, only to gain it back and then some. Why? This is a question I've asked myself many times. After years of wrestling with this, I think I have an answer. 

I firmly believe that the main reason my progress has not been sustained is that I have never truly connected my efforts with a significant "why." I've wanted to lose weight for many reasons: to feel better, to be healthier, to look better, etc. I haven't really, truly focused on a significant reason why I want to lose weight. Most importantly, I haven't clearly identified my own, specific, personal, meaningful, lasting "why."

This "why" doesn't have to be one thing, but the deeper it touches my soul the more powerful it will be in motivating me to face all of the difficulties and challenges that inevitably come with making changes that result with significant and lasting change. 

For me, after years of avoiding the obvious (and living in denial of reality), I've had to realize that my family is my foundational "why." I not only want to live a long life to see my kids all marry and have kids of their own, but I want the quality of my life to be the best it can possibly be so that the time I have with my family is wonderful and not diminished by my physical limitations. There is so much more I could write about this, about my past and my hopes for the future, but for now I'll leave it at that: my family is my "why."

Key Question

What is your "why?" What is the foundational reason that you want to become healthier? What will motivate you to keep going when you face challenges in your journey? Unless you determine your true, deeply personal and motivating "why," don't be surprised when your efforts to change don't give you the lasting, sustained results you are hoping for.  

Fail Like an Olympian

I watched the summer Olympics this past weekend and I felt like an Olympian, and not for their accomplishments but because of their failures. In men's gymnastics competition there were falls from the pommel horse. In women's there were falls from the balance beam.  

Every 4 years when the summer Olympics are held I am fascinated by the gymnastics programs. My appreciation for the talent on the television is just because the men and women are amazingly talented, but because in a high school gym class we had a section on gymnastics where we had to attempt (emphasis on attempt) to use all of the devices used in the Olympics. The competitors in the Olympics make their unbelievable routines look easy. Having attempted, and failed, to make the smallest of moves on the pommel horse, I am in awe of what the men do on that device. 

My appreciation for the talent of these Olympians is only surpassed by how impressive they are when they respond to setbacks. I cannot imagine all of the practice and talent that goes into being able to compete on the balance beam or the pommel horse. When these athletes fall on the biggest stage that they have worked 4 years to be on, they take breath and get back on the device and finish what they started. Amazing. 

When I fail at my task of trying to lose weight I am easily tempted to throw in the towel and give up. I've lost 20 pounds in recent months, which I'm really excited about. Then I have a weekend where I gain nearly 5 pounds and I am ready to throw away all of my progress and give up. 

How fantastic to have an example of athletes who have the world watching what they do and they don't give up. If they can keep going, why can't I? I need to follow the example of these champions who are competing at the highest level of their sport. If they can keep going when the world is watching, I need to keep going when no one is watching. 

Key Value Proposition

When I feel like I've failed, keep going, don't give up, and fight through the temptation to quit because better days are ahead. 

Almost Half of Cancer Deaths Could Be Prevented

A major study from the American Cancer Society reveals that nearly half of all cancer cases and deaths could be prevented with lifestyle changes. We all know that smoking is a major cause of cancer, but do we realize the role these other factors play as risk factors for cancer: excess body weight, alcohol consumption, physical inactivity and diet? 

The good news is that we can make changes in all of these areas and greatly reduce our risk of cancer. 

Key Value Proposition

You have the power to change your destiny, so educate yourself and take action. 

This Demands Urgency

We live our lives according to the lie that we can live anyway we want today and tomorrow we will do what is necessary to change.  I know that has been the way I have thought for most of my life. The problem is that tomorrow never comes and I never consistently do what I need to change. My mindset has to change, today.

I am writing this on Father's Day, 2024. My family blesses me by their loving words and actions and I appreciate them all. I think of what a blessing they are and I am so glad for the life I have. But there is a problem that no one acknowledges: the elephant in the room. It is my weight. I am the elephant in the room that my family is too nice to say anything about. It is time for me to face reality. 

I am obese, and have been for most of my adult life. For many years I have been, according the the U.S. Government, morbidly obese. I weight about 50 pounds less now than I did at my heaviest, so I am no longer morbidly obese, but I am still obese. I am 6'3" and 275 pounds. At my heaviest I was 333 pounds. I can't be happy just because I am no longer morbidly obese. I need to be healthy. 

I am playing a dangerous game and it needs to stop. Just because I can live a functional life at the weight I am doesn't mean that I should. I need to change while I still can, while I have the ability to. I am 57 years old and I need to realize that I am living on borrowed time. 

I am selfish. This is painful for me to acknowledge, but it is the truth. I have chosen to eat too much food and to not exercise enough because of laziness and selfishness. I need to stop this behavior immediately. This isn't just a matter of what I'm doing to my body, it is an issue of how I relate to my family. I'm not giving them my best, and it pains me to acknowledge this, especially on Father's Day. 

So, the matter is urgent. I need to face my issues with urgency or they won't be faced at all. This doesn't mean that I will lose all of my weight and get healthy immediately. It just means that I need to look at each day as an opportunity to be better, to get better, to become healthier. Today is the day, not tomorrow. This matter is urgent. 

Key Value Proposition

Today is the day to act, not tomorrow. Be urgent in taking your health seriously. 

The Problem of Great Expectations

Every time I start on a journey to improve my health I have great expectations. I imagine how much weight I'm going to lose, and more significantly, how quickly I'm going to lose it. These great expectations are exciting and motivating as long as I'm making great progress. When the inevitable setbacks occur then these great expectations backfire. So what is a person to do?

It is hard to be motivated to start on a journey of weight loss without having great expectations, but if they are going to sabotage success then a different approach needs to be taken. The focus needs to change from great expectations of outcomes an to a focus on process. What am I doing on a daily basis to lose weight? Results follow action, so I need to ask what actions am I doing to bring about the results?

Changing focus is liberating, and it shouldn't be painful, but that doesn't mean that it is easy. Just like old habits are hard to break, so to is changing focus. You have to continually remind yourself to take your eyes off of the huge outcome you want and to think about the activities you are doing on a daily, or moment by moment basis to bring about results. Just like developing any habit, the more you do it the more natural it will be and the more it will happen. Write reminders to 

Key Value Proposition

Stop focussing on the huge improvements you want to make and focus instead on the daily habits and the processes that bring about the results you want to see.